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"You're a queen among women, Dee," Lani said. "The question is whether he's good enough for you." "He was such . . . such a gentleman," Dee said, her voice soft. "He let me talk, he listened to me, he asked me questions . . . " her voice grew almost wistful. "He'll find some girl and sweep her off her feet one day, I know he will." "Sounds like he already did," Lani observed. The one frustrating thing about Dee was her lack of self-confidence. She never felt she was quite good enough for anyone, which was completely ridiculous. She'd worked her way, with long hours and lots of effort, out of a bad family situation. Although Dee was rightly proud of what she accomplished, it seemed that she let her origins hold her back, especially in relationships. Lani remembered when they'd met in college. Even with her, Dee had resisted friendship. Lani had been in the student center checking her mail, and turned to find herself hemmed in by a circle of swaggering freshman guys. Dee had muscled. But once we got past that first time unprotected it all changed for me like a weight had been lifted. I was free. Free to enjoy sex for the first time in my life and free to not worry about any negative consequences. Granted, it isn’t forced, but where I’ve given my choices to him it isn’t precisely the sexual revolution going on, either. I’ve been wearing dresses since November. And as in ‘Speed Limit’ I did so quite often without panties. Having your man just come up and lift your skirt and take you is just freaking amazing and letting him make the choice about sex is, well, liberating is the only word I can use to describe it. So here I am, part of a loving and accepting family, and living out the completion of my other need: I am almost two months pregnant! Wheee! I can’t believe it sometimes, but it is true and I am totally loving it. Being loved and feeling that love growing in me is unspeakably wonderful yet I still have issues to work out and feelings to try to express to.
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